


Heart Of The Matter

by uglychui



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: But I am exceptional at over describing, F/M, I'm just going along with my brain, I'm no good at details, Mass Effect 2, Tbh I have no idea where this is going, and Garrus was revived by Cerberus, au where archangel is Shepard, fair warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-02
Updated: 2017-11-23
Packaged: 2019-01-28 09:40:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12603736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uglychui/pseuds/uglychui
Summary: AU where still-pro-human Cerberus uncharacteristically revives Spectre Garrus Vakarian to fight the Collectors and Shepard is Archangel.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! This is my shaky attempt at a _very_ short fic in an AU where Shepard is the C-Sec agent who helped Spectre Garrus Vakarian in the chase for Saren. It won't go into detail (because I'm awful with details). This is more like exploring their feelings and whatnot. I really don't know. Let me know what you think!

"Vakarian. I thought you were dead."

His mandibles flared and his subvocals trilled almost uncontrollably. Lucky for him, though, Cerberus' human lackeys couldn't hear or understand the pure relief he displayed at having found her. When the Illusive Man had told him they'd lost track of the former C-Sec agent, his mind had warned him of all possible occurrences that could have attributed to her complete disappearance. Of course, him having also been a C-Sec agent before his Spectre days, his mind only provided scenarios that inevitably ended with her death. His heart had burned at the possibility of her having died without being found.

And now, here she was, seemingly half dead with dark shadows under her eyes. Her face was gaunt with exhaustion, seen even through the veil of Omega's dust that had covered her face. He doubted she knew-- because she would never have admitted to the deed otherwise-- but streaks of dried tears ran down her dusty cheeks. What really broke his heart, however, was the fact that her drooped shoulders and hazy eyes told him she had resigned herself to death literally just before he revealed himself.

"She--" his voice cracked. "Shepard, what are you doing here?"

She gave him a thin smile that couldn't hope to reach her usually bright eyes. Garrus suspected it's been quite a while since her eyes had lost their light.

"Just keeping my skills sharp. A little bit of target practice."

"You okay?" he asked. After all, what else could he have said in this situation, with Cerberus looming over him?

She huffed. "Been better, but it sure is good to see a friendly face. Killing mercs is hard work." She hung her head and added quietly, "Especially on my own."

"What are you doing out here in Omega? And how'd you manage to piss off every major merc organization in the Terminus Systems?"

She shrugged. "Got fed up with all the bureaucratic crap on the Citadel. Figured I could do more good on my own. At least it's not hard to find criminals here. All I have to do is point my gun and shoot." She chuckled, and the emptiness of it made him want to reach out to her. "Which is how I pissed them off. And it wasn't easy. I _really_ had to work at it. I am amazed they teamed up to fight me. They must _really_ hate me."

"And since when did you start calling yourself Archangel?"

To his surprise, she blushed and scratched her neck in embarrassment. He found the habit oddly endearing. She cleared her throat. "It's just a name the locals gave me. For, uh, all my good deeds." She gave him her trademark lopsided smile that actually reached her eyes this time. "I really don't mind it, but please, it's just 'Shepard' to you."

He rolled his neck. "You nailed me good a couple times, by the way."

"You had your helmet on; I didn't know it was you. Mercs have been lining up for days now. Thought you were just another one looking to die." She stood from her perch and knocked on his chest plate. "Though your shields must be pretty strong. I was aiming to kill."

"With your skills? Not a chance." She punched his arm and they locked eyes, seeing the relief they both felt at seeing the other alive reflecting back. Shepard offered him a small smile and his mandibles flickered back. A throat cleared behind him, interrupting their moment.

"Spectre," Jacob started, almost uncomfortably. "We got here, but I don't think getting out will be as easy."

Shepard craned her neck to look behind Garrus and raised her eyebrow in question. He shook his head.

_Not now. I'll tell you later._

She nodded in understanding and moved to address the rest of the group. "You're right, random guy I don't know. It won't be easy. The bridge has saved my life, funneling all those witless idiots into scope." She sighed. "But it works both ways. They'll slaughter us if we try to get out that way."

"We can't just sit here and wait for them to come to us," Zaeed growled.

"It's not all that bad. This place has held them off so far. And with the three of you, I suggest we hold this location, wait for a crack in their defenses, and take our chances. It's not a perfect plan, but it's a plan."

It seemed like a desperate plan, Garrus thought, but as Shepard said, it was a plan nonetheless. He thought back to the line of covered bodies by the entrance and noticed Shepard had adopted a leader's voice, one she had definitely not had before he…

 _What happened here? What have you been doing these past two years? What happened to you?_ he wanted to ask. "How'd you let yourself get into this position?" he asked instead.

"My feelings got in the way of my better judgment," she snarled through clenched teeth. "It's a long story. I'll make you a deal: you get me out of here alive, and I'll tell you the whole damn thing."

 

* * *

 

His hands wouldn't stop trembling. He was losing her, and all he could do was apply pressure to… well, _everywhere_. When the gunship sprayed its first volley of bullets at her, he'd feared for her life until he saw her crawl her way towards cover. Forget his new shields-- hers seemed to be extremely efficient if she was still uninjured after taking that many shots head-on. Then Tarak had launched the missile-- a fucking _missile_!-- at her and his heart had stopped as the force of the missile flung her small body spinning into the air and she landed with a final, sickening thud.

If he was being honest, he didn't even remember taking down the gunship. One minute he was watching her collapse and the next, he was kneeling beside her in a pool of her crimson blood, smoke from the downed gunship behind him.

He placed a shaky finger on her neck, fumbling for a pulse and mumbling prayers to whatever Spirits were paying attention. He couldn't lose her. Not so soon after he'd just found her.

"Come on, Shepard! Come on!"

Suddenly, she let out a gurgling gasp and fingered around for her rifle. When she found it, she gripped it like a lifeline and fell unconscious again.

His subvocals were going haywire. "Jacob, radio Joker! Let him know we're coming!" He never took his eyes off her limp body.

Behind him, Zaeed commented with what sounded like sympathy, "She's not gonna make it."

Garrus squeezed her gloved hand, probably to the point of breaking, as if he were willing her to live.

_Please, Spirits. Save her._


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

 

Garrus lost track of time, staring at the ruby red of Shepard's blood caked on his fingers. He mindlessly picked at the flakes, drowning out his surroundings.

Dried blood was hard to scratch off. He'd scratched flakes of it off and found that it would nestle quite snugly under his talons, and then he'd have to pick under his talons to get it off.

"Spectre?"

He looked up in time to see Jacob give an Alliance salute. The muscles in his neck screamed at the disuse of hours past.

"Jacob, you don't have to salute me. You have no obligation towards me."

He blinked. "Why, because you're a turian? That doesn't matter. What matters is that you're the only one we can count on to fight the Reapers. And to me, that deserves a certain level of respect, regardless of species."

Garrus had half a mind to argue that his sentiment was flawed, seeing as how the very organization he works for is xenophobic. But the day's events had left him exhausted, so he let the comment slide, not wanting to antagonize the only person on the ship who looked at him and didn't see a snarling animal. 

Well, not the only person anymore.

"How is Shepard?" he asked, almost fearfully.

Out of what Garrus assumed was force of habit, Jacob straightened his posture to parade rest. "We've done what we could for Shepard, but she took a bad hit."

Garrus clenched his fists.  _This wasn't supposed to happen._

Jacob continued, "The docs corrected with surgical procedures and some cybernetics. Best we can tell, she'll have full functionality. But—"

The door swished open to reveal the person in question, storming in like a torpedo. Inklings of red cybernetics peeked out at the edges of the bandage covering the right side of her face. Her gaze was solely on him. The intensity of her eyes bore through his entire being, leaving him cold with vulnerability. The fact that her right eye was a blaring red didn't help either.

"Vakarian."

Despite his slight moment of weakness, at the sound of her voice, relief washed over him. She sounded strong.  _Alive_.

Somewhere in the distance, he heard Jacob mutter, "Damn! Tough ass woman. Didn't think she'd be up yet."

She threw her arms up, not unlike a petulant child. "No one would give me a mirror! How bad is it?"

Garrus couldn't help but chuckle at her playful display. "All you humans look ugly anyways. No one will even notice."

A hint of a laugh escaped before she let out a sharp hiss and a hand flew to her bandaged cheek. "Aww, damn it, I can't even laugh. Is this what it's like to be a turian?" She made a face. "I don't like it."

Jacob tactfully made his way towards the door and saluted before leaving. As soon as the door closed, Shepard took a step closer to Garrus.

"Honestly, I'm more worried about you. Cerberus, Vakarian? You remember those sick experiments they were doing? Not to mention their 'aliens are bad' spiel?"

He took a step forward. "That's why I'm glad you're here, Shepard. If I'm walking into hell, I want someone I trust by my side."

She smirked and walked up to him, almost but not quite intruding into his personal space. "You realize this plan has me walking into hell, too? Heh. Just like old times, I guess— me doing all the grunt work and you standing there looking pretty and taking credit."

His mandibles flared involuntarily, and before he could stop himself, he blurted, "So you think I'm pretty, huh?"

Her smirk grew and there was a twinkle in her eye. "Pretty ugly." Then she winked at him. "But pretty enough."

She turned and made her way towards the door, leaving Garrus alone in his disbelief. He'd always respected Shepard. She had been an invaluable asset to defeating Saren, and her quick thinking and keen observational skills had saved their asses more times than he could think. But he had never flirted with her before.

He felt heat rushing to his neck and knew it was flushed. He had never flirted with Shepard before, but…

_But I could stand to do it again._

 

* * *

 

Much to Garrus' disappointment, Shepard settled into the crew quarters. Garrus had avoided the crew quarters ever since he'd acquired the new ship. With him being a turian and the crew being Cerberus, he hadn't wanted to intrude in their space and cause tension.

When he questioned her about it in the armory while cleaning his guns, she shrugged. "Humans are a social species. Plus, there aren't that many rooms here."

He raised his brow plates. "Have you seen this ship? There's enough room to house the upper echelon of the Turian Hierarchy."

She opened her mouth, probably to throw out a witty remark, but seemed to think better of it. She glanced downwards and bit her lower lip. "It's… probably best for now that I'm not alone with my thoughts."

"Omega?" he asked softly.

She nodded. "I know it's over; I know I'm not on that fucking station anymore. But it just feels like…" She shut her eyes and shook her head. "No, it's nothing."

He placed a comforting hand on her arm. "Shepard, you know you can always come to me if you need to talk."

She looked up and gave him a thin smile. "I know. But right now, I just need time to let it process."

They stood in silence for a moment before he realized his hand was still on her arm. He withdrew his hand awkwardly and rubbed the back of his neck. "Uhh, sorry about that. I didn't—  _ahem_ — I didn't exactly ask if I could…"

She laughed and shook her head. "It's alright. It was kind of you. Thank you."

His mandibles fluttered and he cleared his throat to hide his overreaction. "Well, I think I'm gonna…"

She cleared her throat loudly. "Yeah, yeah, I should go. Ummm, I guess I'll see you when I see you." She turned to leave, but just as she reached the door, she turned back to him. "You know, you should try to get to know the crew a little. A lot of them are new recruits. Most of them don't hold the same xenophobic views Cerberus is known for."

"You've spoken to them?"

She chuckled. "Like I told you, humans are a social species. They think you hate them just because they're Cerberus."

He put down his oiled rag and sighed. "It's not that. I just don't know if I can trust them."

"Then talk with them and find out."

"You think so?"

"It couldn't hurt. Besides, you gave Ashley a chance. Wouldn't it be fair to give them the same treatment?"

"That was different. She wasn't Cerberus."

"Perhaps so. But this is your crew. They're also putting their lives on the line for this mission. Don't they have the right to see what kind of person might be sending them to their deaths?"

She was right. He had been so wrapped up in their involvement with Cerberus that he had forgotten that they were just as crucial to the mission as he was. Shame filled him.

"Hey," she called out to him. "It's not too late."

Garrus let out an empty chuckle. "Cerberus should have put you in charge of this mission."

He knew he'd said the wrong thing when her eyes darkened. "I got ten of my men killed, Garrus. It's a good thing I'm not in charge here." And with that, she stepped out the door and left.

Garrus sighed.  _Damn it_.

 

* * *

 

"Spectre, you have new messages at your private terminal," Kelly informed him.

He nodded his thanks, ignoring Kelly's starry gaze. Besides Jacob, she had been the only other person on the ship to treat him like she would any other. The only downside was that she seemed to have developed a certain… fascination with him. However, even as enticed as she was, she kept a respectful distance and for that he was grateful.

He opened his inbox and the influx of messages were of the same matter:  _have you really come back from the dead?_  Despite the repetition, he read them all. The one from his father had affected him the most.

 

> _From: Castis Vakarian_
> 
> _Son:_
> 
> _I'm hearing a lot of rumors about you coming back from the dead. Now I don't put a lot of faith in rumors. But… maybe just this once… If you really are back, please just come home._

 

Castis Vakarian was never one for blind hope. But to see him so desperate… Garrus could have cried. They had never really got along. His mother had said it was because they were much too similar. He could see that now.

As much as he wanted to send a reply, he knew the Illusive Man had the communications bugged and he wanted to keep his family safe from Cerberus' reach. So he archived the message and continued on to the next.

 

> _From: Nalah Butler_
> 
> _Spectre Vakarian:_
> 
> _My husband was one of the men serving on Shepard's team. I don't know how much Shepard talked to you about what happened. I don't know the specifics myself, only that my husband died in a trap set by those bastard gangs. I know Shepard blames herself; she took every shot fired at her squad as a failure on her part, and it was clear when she sent me the message about my husband that she thinks it was her fault._
> 
> _My husband would never have wanted that. He was proud of the work he did on Shepard's squad. He was taking back Omega from the gangs. He died fighting with honor. I miss him. God, I'd give anything to get him back. But whatever happened there wasn't Shepard's fault._
> 
> _You're her commander now. Please, if you can, help her stop blaming herself. And please don't tell her that I sent you this. Thank you._
> 
> _\- Nalah Butler_

 

If only Shepard would talk to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I originally had everyone address Garrus as "Commander", but after some thinking, I didn't think it really fit him. Garrus was a C-Sec agent before becoming a Spectre, so "Commander" was out of place. So now, I'm changing it to plain ol' "Spectre". Let me know if I miss a "Commander"!
> 
> Also, I merged chapters 2 and 3.


End file.
